A Media Wishlist for 2017!

03 Jan,2017

 

By Ranjona Banerji

 

​Calendars change but time keeps flowing. Pop psychology is full of such self-evident and annoying maxims. And here we are, in the first week of 2017 and does it really feel all that different from the last week of 2016 except that some of you are still nursing mega hangovers?

 

But sometimes, time and calendars demand that you deal in clichés, so here we are with our wish list for the New Year, all of which are absurd and none of which will ever be followed. Wis​h​lists, like Resolutions, are for the making, not the keeping (talk about dealing in clichés!).

 

1. No more jackets, boleros, waistcoats, trousers, petticoats and other such apparel to mask the front pages of newspapers.
2. No more “Sun rose in the East as usual” to be presented as “Breaking News” by TV.
3. No more newspapers imagining that vast numbers of online readers are dying to cough up through their website “pay walls” to read the soulful meanderings of their columnists. In addition, no more newspapers (usually the same as the “pay wall” newspapers) asking journalists to write gratis for their websites, pretending that they cannot afford to pay them.
4. No more star TV anchors picking up the most absurd and least significant news event of the day to manufacture a pointless “debate”.
5. No more party spokespersons speaking “exclusively” to 59 news channels simultaneously in different outfits. TV channel producers could at least demand that each party sends out 59 of its most shouty spokies to do the studio rounds every evening so that viewers get a change of decibel and pitch levels to make their electoral choices.
6. No more star TV anchors wearing army gear to present the news. No one is fooled or even interested in the unfulfilled juvenile fantasies of journalists and wannabe journalists.
7. No more fans of political parties running websites that pretend to be news sites but are nothing but websites which bash those parts of the media which are not wholehearted supporters of their political party.
8. No more pretend high-brow websites and magazines which are nothing but loudspeakers for their favourite political parties claiming that they are not loyal soldiers and mouthpieces. Why not just honestly and proudly fly the party flag?
9. No more articles starting “10 things that the ​Prime ​Minister should could do,” “Seven of my brilliant ideas that the Prime Minister will start doing tomorrow”, “11 things the Prime ​Minister would do if he was not the ​Prime ​Minister”, “14 things the Prime ​Minister might have been able to achieve if there were no bureaucrats in the world”, “27 things that make the Prime ​Minister the greatest Prime ​Minister providing he listens to my advice because I love him so much,” “210 things that the Prime ​Minister is doing but no one can see he is doing them except me”, and so on. No more using so many numbers in headlines, please.

10. No more eggheads and pictures of deities for trolls on Twitter. A special Troll DP must be created for them so that their delightful presence can be received with the proper joy and laughter.
11. No more “citizen journalist” TV programmes, blogs and newspaper space for the general public to stop every member of the general public becoming an irritating expert on the media.
12. No more lists like this at least until next year.

 

Happy 2017!

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