Rahul Gandhi, Arvind Kejriwal steal the show at Press Club Mumbai’s ‘Ouch Awards’

21 Apr,2015

By Dyanne Coelho

 

Ouch! The Press Club Mumbai organised the the ‘Ouch’ Awards, a satirical awards show that felicitated the blunders made in the media industry. The event hosted by stand-up comedian Anuvab Pal, featured trophies given out on a humorous note to known names who t some point or the other stood out for the wrong reason. The ‘Ouch’ Awards was a prelude to the more serious RedInk Awards organized by the Club scheduled for April 30, which applauds excellence in journalism.

 

“A lot of media is made up of people making asses of themselves and that’s getting a lot of readership and viewership. This is just a way to laugh at ourselves, to recognize the milestones of stupidity,” said Gurbir Singh, Chairman of the Mumbai Press Club.

 

The award for Transparency in Public Life went out to none other than Arvind Kejriwal for his tweet; ‘Running 102 fever since yesterday. Severe loose motions. Sad that I won’t be able to attend office today.’Seems like he’s taken transparency in politics to a whole new level.

 

Following this award was the ‘Global Ouch for Leadership in Absentia’ award; which, no prize for guesses here, went to Rahul Gandhi.

 

There was a long list of nominees for the ‘Golden Ouch for Advancing the Cause of Women’ including Abu Azmi, Sharad Yadav, Mulayam Singh, Giriraj Singh, Tapas Pal and many more. Finally it was a tie; Giriraj Singh walked away with the award for advancing the cause of women and furthering relations with foreign nations, while Sharad Yadav bagged the award for his racist remarks on the skin of South Indian women. “I massage him with Fair and Lovely,” said Yadav’s massage man who picked up the award on his behalf.

 

For the joint effort of furthering the cause of women’s safety in our country and highlighting a supposedly male-dominated society, the ‘Silver Ouch for Advancing the Cause of Women’ undoubtedly went to A.P. Singh and M.L. Sharma, the defense lawyers in the Nirbhaya gang rape case, who made their thoughts very clear to the world in the BBC documentary, India’s Daughter. Speaking of BBC, the news channel received a special Ouch for ‘Best Science Reporting’, for turning the ‘hadron’ collider into the ‘hardon’ collider. A dressed up Prince Charles received the award from Mr. Ayaz Memon.

 

The Ouch for ‘Confession of the Year’ went to Coast Guard Officer B.K. Loshali for shooting down a Pakistani boat, once again using biryani as a metaphor for Indian hospitality. Part two of this award went to Public Prosecutor, Ujjwal Nikam for his biryani lie in an attempt to build public opinion against Kasab.

 

The Golden Ouch for Best History Reportingwent to Capt. Anand Bodas for his insistence that Indians, and not the Wright Brothers, were the first to fly planes between countries, continents and even planets, and that too in all directions, forward, backward and sideways as well.

 

The Ouch for ‘Labors in Family Planning’went to none other than BJP MLA, and RSS member, Sakshi Maharaj for putting forth the suggestion that all Hindu women have four kids. In his absence, a woman with 11 kids stepped forward to pick up the award on his behalf.

 

The ‘Golden Ouch for the most Non-Violent Statement’ for his sweeping accusations on Mahatma Gandhi and Subash Chandra Bose went to former SC judge and former PCI Chairman, Markandey Katju.

 

For a blooper in a newspaper image, the Ouch went to the Hindustan Times for the PTI image that showed a Chinese trade delegation, but was captioned as convicts of the Shakti Mills gang rape being taken to prison. The newspaper had printed the wrong image.

 

The Golden Ouch for the best criticism of the press was bagged by Gen. VK Singh and Justice Markandey Katju jointlyfor the coining of the term ‘Presstitutes’ which is a combination of people of the press and destitutes.

 

For her tweets on Marathi Cinema, and for uplifting the American popcorn over the taste of the Indian Vada Pao and Misal, the Golden Ouch for food Critic of the year went to Shobhaa De.

 

The final award of the night and the most prestigious of the Ouchies, the Lifetime Achievement award was awarded to Indian politician, Subramanian Swamy, for his consistency in continually delivering provocative comments on both enemies and friends alike. In his absence, the award was received by none other thanShri Narendra Modi, or maybe just a lookalike.

 

It seems that no stand-up comedian can walk off stage without taking a crack at Arnab Goswami. Anuvab Pal concluded the award ceremony by sending squeals of laughter and giggles through the audience with his imitation of the Times Now journalist’s on-screen manner.

 

Happy with the outcome of the first ever Ouch Awards Ceremony, Gurbir Singh proposed making the event a regular one, “We have received a positive response this time, and we look forward to making this an annual event on a larger scale next year onwards.”

 

 

1. Golden Ouch For Transparency in Public Life.

Citation: For his evangelism in pursuing transparency and detoxification of self andthe’body politic’ – and for his great progress from singing to stinging and some very surprising mud-slinging!

Winner: Arvind Kejriwal for his tweet on loose motions.

 

2. Golden Ouch For Leadership in Absentia

Citation: For going on extended vacation when the ‘party’ needs him most, for staying away from parliament at its most critical moments, for his enormous vocabulary of two key words: ‘women’s empowerment’!

Winner: Rahul Gandhi.

 

3. Golden Ouch For Advancing The Cause Of Women.

Citation: For excelling in the field of gender prejudice in the face of enormous domestic competition, and for successfully hurting the sentiments of a friendly African nation.

Golden ‘Ouch’ for Advancing the Cause of Women (and For Improving Foreign

Relations)

Winner: HONOURABLE MINISTER OF STATE FOR MICRO, SMALL AND MEDIUM
ENTERPRISE GIRIRAJ SINGH 

AND JOINT GOLDEN OUCH WINNER

For crudely changing the complexion of parliamentary discourse by his racially-charged comments on the skin of South Indian women and his response to the criticism of HRD Minister SmritiIrani 

Winner: HONOURABLE JD(U) CHIEF, SHARAD YADAV

 

4. SILVER OUCH FOR ADVANCING THE CAUSE OF WOMEN.

Citation: For their consistent, unstinting commitment to the cause of misogyny and patriarchy despite the valiant battles being fought for independence and respect by the women of India and their supporters.

WINNERS: Tie between two defence lawyers M.L.Sharma and A.P.Singh in the Nirbhaya case.

 

5. GOLDEN OUCH FOR CONFESSION OF THE YEAR.

Citation: For either shooting down a Pakistani boat or simply shooting his mouth off – using ‘biryani’ again as a new metaphor for Indian hospitality.

Winner: COAST GUARD DIG, B.K. LOSHALI

 

6. GOLDEN OUCH FOR CONFESSION OF THE YEAR – PART 2.

Citation: For his extraordinary morality and misplaced sense of pride in cooking up a ‘biryani lie’ to build public opinion against a prisoner on death row and thus expediting his execution.

Winner: SPECIAL PUBLIC PROSECUTOR, UJJWAL NIKAM

 

7. Golden ‘Ouch’ for Best Science Reporting (Rising to the Occasion!)

Citation: For provoking and arousing laughter and embarrassment around a serious scientific phenomenon by alluding to a male sexual phenomenon that is best not talked about

WINNER: THE BBC for calling the Large Hadron Collider the “Large Hardon Collider”

 

8. Golden ‘Ouch’ for Best HISTORY Reporting

Citation: For insisting that Indians flew planes centuries before the Wright Brothers (and Air-India), that these planes flew between nations and planets, that they flew forwards, backwards and sideways –– and above all, that these were no flights of the imagination.

WINNER: Captain Anand J. Bodas for Educating the Masses on India’s Aeronautical Achievements in Vedic Times

 

9. Golden ‘Ouch’ for his ‘labours’ in Family Planning

Citation: For asking women of a certain religion to labour’ their entire adult lives producing babies and thus working tirelessy for the cause of resurgent majoritarianism.

Winner: SAKSHI MAHARAJ FOR URGING HINDU WOMEN TO HAVE MORE

CHILDREN

 

10. Golden ‘Ouch’ for the most Non-Violent Statement

Citation: For having an instant opinion on every issue and for his sweeping attacks as ‘imperialist collaborator’ on the father of the nation, Mahatma Gandhi, and of the founder of the Indian National Army, Subash Chandra Bose.

Winner: FORMER SUPREME COURT JUDGE and FORMER CHAIRMAN, PRESS

COUNCIL OF INDIA, MARKANDEY KATJU, ON GANDHIJI

 

11. Golden Ouch For A Newspaper Blooper

Citation: For the best caption in the print media that outlines the care and detail that goes into addressing the photographs that accompany news items.

WINNER: HT for referring to the Shakti Mills rape convicts and showing a Chinese trade delegation photo.

 

12. Joint Golden ‘Ouch’ for the best criticism of the press

Citation: For hurting the sentiments of commercial sex workers by calling media people “presstitutes”. General V.K. Singh for hastily coining the word, and Justice Katju for endorsing it with his usual efficiency.

Winner: GEN VK SINGH & JUSTICE MARKANDEY KATJU

 

13. Golden ‘Ouch’ for Food Critic of the yer

Citation: For a remark in delightful poor taste, elevating the lowly American popcorn above the thundering all-conquering indigenous warrior taste of VADA-PAO and MISAL.

Winner: SHOBHAA DE

 

14. Lifetime Achievement

Citation: For consistently and eloquently delivering highly provocative statements with exquisite sophistry, confounding both enemies and allies alike

GOLDEN OUCH for Lifetime Achievement

Winner: SubramaniamSwamy

 

 

 

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