1. Golden Ouch For Transparency in Public Life.
Citation: For his evangelism in pursuing transparency and detoxification of self andthe’body politic’ – and for his great progress from singing to stinging and some very surprising mud-slinging!
Winner: Arvind Kejriwal for his tweet on loose motions.
2. Golden Ouch For Leadership in Absentia
Citation: For going on extended vacation when the ‘party’ needs him most, for staying away from parliament at its most critical moments, for his enormous vocabulary of two key words: ‘women’s empowerment’!
Winner: Rahul Gandhi.
3. Golden Ouch For Advancing The Cause Of Women.
Citation: For excelling in the field of gender prejudice in the face of enormous domestic competition, and for successfully hurting the sentiments of a friendly African nation.
Golden ‘Ouch’ for Advancing the Cause of Women (and For Improving Foreign
Relations)
Winner: HONOURABLE MINISTER OF STATE FOR MICRO, SMALL AND MEDIUM
ENTERPRISE GIRIRAJ SINGHÂ
AND JOINT GOLDEN OUCH WINNER
For crudely changing the complexion of parliamentary discourse by his racially-charged comments on the skin of South Indian women and his response to the criticism of HRD Minister SmritiIraniÂ
Winner: HONOURABLE JD(U) CHIEF, SHARAD YADAV
4. SILVER OUCH FOR ADVANCING THE CAUSE OF WOMEN.
Citation: For their consistent, unstinting commitment to the cause of misogyny and patriarchy despite the valiant battles being fought for independence and respect by the women of India and their supporters.
WINNERS: Tie between two defence lawyers M.L.Sharma and A.P.Singh in the Nirbhaya case.
5. GOLDEN OUCH FOR CONFESSION OF THE YEAR.
Citation: For either shooting down a Pakistani boat or simply shooting his mouth off – using ‘biryani’ again as a new metaphor for Indian hospitality.
Winner: COAST GUARD DIG, B.K. LOSHALI
6. GOLDEN OUCH FOR CONFESSION OF THE YEAR – PART 2.
Citation: For his extraordinary morality and misplaced sense of pride in cooking up a ‘biryani lie’ to build public opinion against a prisoner on death row and thus expediting his execution.
Winner: SPECIAL PUBLIC PROSECUTOR, UJJWAL NIKAM
7. Golden ‘Ouch’ for Best Science Reporting (Rising to the Occasion!)
Citation: For provoking and arousing laughter and embarrassment around a serious scientific phenomenon by alluding to a male sexual phenomenon that is best not talked about
WINNER: THE BBC for calling the Large Hadron Collider the “Large Hardon Collider”
8. Golden ‘Ouch’ for Best HISTORY Reporting
Citation: For insisting that Indians flew planes centuries before the Wright Brothers (and Air-India), that these planes flew between nations and planets, that they flew forwards, backwards and sideways –– and above all, that these were no flights of the imagination.
WINNER: Captain Anand J. Bodas for Educating the Masses on India’s Aeronautical Achievements in Vedic Times
9. Golden ‘Ouch’ for his ‘labours’ in Family Planning
Citation: For asking women of a certain religion to labour’ their entire adult lives producing babies and thus working tirelessy for the cause of resurgent majoritarianism.
Winner: SAKSHI MAHARAJ FOR URGING HINDU WOMEN TO HAVE MORE
CHILDREN
10. Golden ‘Ouch’ for the most Non-Violent Statement
Citation: For having an instant opinion on every issue and for his sweeping attacks as ‘imperialist collaborator’ on the father of the nation, Mahatma Gandhi, and of the founder of the Indian National Army, Subash Chandra Bose.
Winner: FORMER SUPREME COURT JUDGE and FORMER CHAIRMAN, PRESS
COUNCIL OF INDIA, MARKANDEY KATJU, ON GANDHIJI
11. Golden Ouch For A Newspaper Blooper
Citation: For the best caption in the print media that outlines the care and detail that goes into addressing the photographs that accompany news items.
WINNER: HT for referring to the Shakti Mills rape convicts and showing a Chinese trade delegation photo.
12. Joint Golden ‘Ouch’ for the best criticism of the press
Citation: For hurting the sentiments of commercial sex workers by calling media people “presstitutes”. General V.K. Singh for hastily coining the word, and Justice Katju for endorsing it with his usual efficiency.
Winner: GEN VK SINGH & JUSTICE MARKANDEY KATJU
13. Golden ‘Ouch’ for Food Critic of the yer
Citation: For a remark in delightful poor taste, elevating the lowly American popcorn above the thundering all-conquering indigenous warrior taste of VADA-PAO and MISAL.
Winner: SHOBHAA DE
14. Lifetime Achievement
Citation: For consistently and eloquently delivering highly provocative statements with exquisite sophistry, confounding both enemies and allies alike
GOLDEN OUCH for Lifetime Achievement
Winner: SubramaniamSwamy
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