Anil Thakraney: Shucks! We lost the action on Kasab. :(

23 Nov,2012

By Anil Thakraney

 

I am very upset they chose to keep Kasab’s execution out of the glare of the media. We missed out on all the death tamasha that would have been played out inside the newsrooms and outside the Yerawada jail, amongst other places. Not to speak of all the entertainment that happens when wild speculation goes full-on. But instead of drowning myself in sorrow, I shut my eyes and imagined the likely scenes and sounds, behind and in front of the cameras.  Here goes.

 

Reporter: “Kasab has ordered tomatoes for his last breakfast!” Anchor: “Not mutton biryani? This is breaking news stuff! Does Islam permit this diet for a death row prisoner? Viewers, we’ll shortly connect with some Islamic scholars on this sensational development.”

 

Anchor: “It’s exactly two minutes to go for the hanging. Ms Human Rights Activist, please tell our viewers if death penalty should to be abolished.” Human Rights Activist: “Yes, yes, yes! This is against god, against nature, against humanity, we must stop this execution right now!”

 

Anchor to reporter: “Our expert says death penalty is wrong. Will you grab some sound bytes from those hanging around outside the Yerawada jail?” Reporter: “Will do, gimme a moment, right now I need to cover the bloody hanging.”

 

26/11 survivor Bhimshan Mansukhani: “Kill the bastard! Kill the m……r  f……r!”

 

Reporter: “Think we just spotted the hangman entering the jail!” Anchor: “Quick, quick, ask him if he’s suffering from guilt pangs. Also ask him what’s his fee, and if he’ll go on a pilgrimage soon after pulling the lever.”

 

Anchor: “There’s talk of the body being shipped to Pakistan! We must debate on how the body will be dispatched. By air, road or sea?” Production Head: “Okay, but I need a few hours to assemble the experts. Right now only Prahlad Kakkar is available. Will he do?” Anchor: “Yes, yes! He’s good television.”

 

26/11 survivor Bhimshan Mansukhani: “Kill the bastard! Kill the m……r  f……r!”

 

Reporter: “Oh! I just heard a loud sound! Must be Kasab’s skull cracking!” Anchor to production team: “Raise the audio level, zip up the bass, and play that sound effect in continuous loop until further instructions.”

 

Anchor: “Ladies and gentlemen, we announce the death of Ajmal Aamir Kasab. And remember, you heard it on this channel first!” Production Head: “Er, what should we put on air now? Will they let us cover the burial?” Anchor: “Damn, I didn’t think of that! Okay, forget Kasab and put Afzal Guru’s file pictures. Let’s get after him now!”

 

26/11 survivor Bhimshan Mansukhani: “Kill the bastard! Kill the m……r  f……r!”

 

And of course, that quintessential TV question when the OB vans managed to gherao Kasab at the Yerawada gate. “Kasabji, aap kaise mahsoos kar rahe hain?”

 

Alas, dear fellow television viewers, we were deprived of all the action. Grrrr.

 

***

 

Post a Comment 

2 responses to “Anil Thakraney: Shucks! We lost the action on Kasab. :(”

  1. Supreeth Sudhakaran says:

    Deprive them or provide them, TV news channels will always find a way to throw in some speculation or masala into it. As you rightly pointed out, there was no need to inform media about it at all. However, I still object towards a respectful burial offered. Nonetheless, the tamasha post hanging was really one that would have earned good TRPs.

  2. Shilpi says:

    Hahahahaha… just loved it!!! Reminds me of Peepli Live. Will watch it again tonight…

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